An Old Foe

Today was a day like any other. I woke up at the crack of noon and commenced daily activities. I was low on laundry so I gathered up my clothes and headed to the laundromat. I threw my colors into one washer and my whites into another, as is custom.

Luckily before I started the washers I'd noticed that I forgot to grab my work socks. I walked back to my apartment to get them and returned to the laundromat. There was an SUV parked in front of the laundromat which isn't unusual since it's in front of the landlord's office. I assumed it belonged to one of them.

Walking back into the laundromat, I almost ran head first into my arch-nemesis. My first trip should have been a foreshadowing. Had I been paying attention to the television I would have known what I was up against. "Walker, Texas Ranger" was on t.v. That's right, I had an encounter with old people.

I crawled around the counter behind them thinking they wouldn't see me. It worked. Old people scare easily. I tossed my socks in with my colored laundry and started the machines. There are five machines in my laundromat, one of which is always broken. Luckily, I had secured two working machines. This didn't stop the cronies from piling their clothes into the broken machine as well as the two other open machines.

After the old man walked out, the old woman sat around pondering why she couldn't start the machine. I said nothing, a silent victory.

This isn't close to my first encounter with old people this week. As a waiter, I see them all the time. They work you to death and leave the worst tips. $2 might have been a good tip when they were young, but it's almost not worth taking now.

At Wendy's the other day, some old woman demanded a senior citizen discount on her meal. She was pushy and snapping at the girl at the register because the price of the combo for her sandwich wasn't listed on the menu. It was to the right of the sandwich price, in plain site. At the barber shop, an old man demanded a senior citizen discount. Don't spend that 12 cents all in one place. Another old man drives 30mph down the highway where the minimum speed is 40.

My problem with old people isn't that they're incompetent and senile, or that they drive looking through the steering wheel. My problem is that they're assholes about it.