Daytime Shopping

Every now and then I do something that reminds me that I'm stupid. Today I went grocery shopping during the daytime. It was like urban warfare. As soon as I get into the parking lot, there is an obstacle course of shopping carts. I drive to the very back to avoid the old ladies walking to their cars at 2 hours per mile, as well as the asshole customers who recklessly launch their empty shopping carts at any random direction they see fit.

I make my way across the parking lot and into the store. Inside is a circus of activity. I'm so stunned by the pandemonium that I forget to grab a shopping cart at first and have to return to the entrance, dodging an old lady that almost walks straight into me. I grab a shopping cart and make my way into the chaos. The fresh poultry section is full of people blocking the counter with their carts. I walk past, planning to return later.

While picking out some flavored rice I notice an old woman with something that appears to be a hybrid between a shopping cart and a baby carriage. It's a cart just big enough to hold a basket. What kind of lazy old woman came up with that idea?

Some woman with a shopping cart full of groceries met an employee who she apparently knew. So she parks her shopping cart in the entrance to a narrow aisle and walks two aisles down to talk to the guy. I hated her. Minutes later I was over near the bread aisle perusing for something to make a sub with. I park my shopping cart out of the way next to a stand and walk around a few of the other stands. Some old man walking by with a cart grabs my cart and walks with it for 5 or 6 feet and walks to another stand. This baffles me, considering that I put it out of the way and he wasn't looking at items on the stand in which my cart was in front of. I grab my cart and walk off. Stupid old man.

I finish getting what I need and return to the poultry section. It turns out that organic chicken doesn't cost that much more than the other kind, so I pick some up. I've hit the budget I set for myself so I walk to a checkout lane. The counter with cigarettes doesn't have its light on so I head to the next counter over. There were only 2 other people ahead of me, so it doesn't take long for it to get to be my turn. After my groceries are scanned I ask the clerk for a carton of Camel Lights. He walks over to the cigarette counter and rummages around for a few minutes before returning and telling me they don't have any. I tell him to just get me a pack of Camel Lights, and he returns with a full carton.

At the end of my trip, I've spent over $80 and might have enough groceries to last the week. So what can be learned from this adventure?

• Groceries are expensive.
• People are annoying.
• Shopping during the daytime is moronic.

If you need something from the deli, go during the day. Otherwise, go at night.